Round and Round..

How would I know if you are ruining my life?

One look at you and I forget what’s right for me.

Unaware of what feels good.

I don’t feel.

I am.

But is this who I’m meant to be?

Will lessons repeat?

Arguments over silly things.

I’m sorry and you are too.

Back in your arms.

Back on your phone.

Until…

The next time.

The next time I’m so numb I explode.

Weighed down by everything I’ve suppressed.

Thoughts of you feeling better than saving me.

This is love right?

Im asking you.

You love me right?

Aren’t you in love?

No other answer for this attraction that binds us through distance.

Physical and emotional , here we are.

But where is here?

Too dark for me to make out the blood pouring down the walls of my heart.

Filling my lungs with a stickiness you tell me tastes sweet.

Breathing aside, I am happy to feed you.

Bleeding is normal though.

A part of life that proves you’re human.

That God thought enough of you.

Or that He cared nothing at all.

Proof I am alive.

But what if I’m dead here?

Or worse..

Maybe I’m dying.

A realization the most painful because dying would mean there is still time to save myself.

Time to assume accountability for the grief and the joy.

Balance.

Balance is good right?

Not too much.

Touch me till I make you feel just right.

When did I become an over giver?

From a girl who took to a woman who is taken?

What about this is my doing?

My issue?

My blessing?

My words simply spells casting my reality.

A simulation where I can’t seem to find the switch.

To pull the curtain back and to scream “what gives?”

Give me a break!

Your affection to piece me back together and yet still the cracks show.

I don’t know man.

I hope I don’t learn the hard way.