In This Life

God gave us the desires of our hearts for a reason. That’s what I’ve learned. Sunday mornings through Monday meetings through Tuesday teachings and Wednesday withdrawals. God didn’t give me a spirit of fear, but of love and a sound mind. A mind so sound and free that it creates visions for the future. Sonically pleasing melodies of peace and adventure, the miracles of my soul. All for a reason. 

Like the thing I want most. The life I want most. That man I want most. Is for a reason. Perhaps it’s mine. Just maybe I dream of genie and genie blinked fast a long time ago and is waiting on me too. And then maybe the reason is a season. A mere motivator for transformation that stirs the stomach and ignites fire to fury to burn down the passages of past generational chaos. 

What is the reason? Why do I lay awake and dream? Why do I meet people who make me feel like I never woke up? Like all this is mine and there could be no other ending. Why did he hug me like 6 times in 10 minutes and connect with my dad like that? Why can’t I touch the life that has always felt like it was on the other side of my dark bedroom wall?

God? Can you hear me? As I draw nearer to you will you reveal to me your timing? Will you explain your sense of humor because I don’t think I got that last punchline. “Be still,” you answer. Not a commandment of inertia, but a moment of stewarding as you do the heavy lifting. For a reason, nonetheless.

So what else will I do but release? Throw up my hands as I bow my head to the will of my ansestors capturing me with as much of the physical as a butterfly in flight and just as beautiful. I feel a reason. Or a season. Through a Thursday deep dive to a Friday freedom. A Saturday situation to a Sunday greeting. A glass note from heaven. A reason. To keep living.