Bye-Bye Pretty

Pretty boy on my phone, I was hoping that you’d show. Be here tonight even though you told me you wouldn’t be. I’m way too old to feel like this. A longing based in connection rather than necessity. Mature enough to now recognize the difference and save myself from the dramatics. 

I can’t tell you how I feel for you, so don’t ask me. Don’t read this and read too much into it. I don’t need you to breathe. Not to feel, not to live, not even for friendship. But I do feel you. I’m writing because you make me feel something. 

Frustration in all forms. Annoyance at the thought that I have any thoughts of you at all. At the way I let things into my life bubble wrapped in delays. Hidden structures I know I’ll never want to uncover. Like I know the answer. What am I even saying right now? 

You should go your way and I go mine. no hard feelings. The oppposite honestly. Letting you go is my actually doing the smart thing. To let you live how I had the chance to. And perhaps that is how this story goes. I haven’t heard from you. Tomorrow night I end you. The presence of your light in my life, tomorrow I make you go dark. 

Will you remember me? Probably not. Not the notion of melancholy, but the realization that I am leaving you with nothing to miss. Not a kiss or a touch. Not a hug. Not two people on the same page. Just a goodbye before we’ve begun. “I care about you.” And I can feel my chance to ruin you.

Impressionable baby, how could you be the one to show me I need to get it together? So perceptive, so wise. I know you would hate me telling you how much of a witch you are. 

If your eyes have reached this portion of my voice, know that I heard you. Your words replay across my skin urging me to shift and blossom like a butterfly would in this life and in the next. Learning more lends to more. Here’s to more baby.

God Bless You.